so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
