Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
BRING THE BAGELS
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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