I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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