I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
