32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
