non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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