and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
