three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
