If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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