I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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