I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
