Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
His hands were made for my vagina.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
