Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
