If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
