Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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