Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
