Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I accidentally had phone sex last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize