Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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