The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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