We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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