I wannas sexs uuuuu
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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