i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The air was thick with penises
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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