I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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