So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
