I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
