I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
