Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
