This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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