My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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