It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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