That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize