I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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