One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
