dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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