I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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