I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
whose parrot is this?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
