the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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