I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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