he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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