Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
