it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
