Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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