woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
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Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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