also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
