my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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