please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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