Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just had sex bonerless
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
