Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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