so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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