I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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