you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
