.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
