im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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