Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
