I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
