When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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