He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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