I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She bit a glass in half.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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