how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
