So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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