I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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