my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
