it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I touched a dick in church today
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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