Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
