My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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