that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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