Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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