Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love having hate sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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