On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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