apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
