She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
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Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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