Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
