For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
