im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
